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Joseph Addison: "Naeratused on tegelikult pisiasjad, aga kui neid eluteele laiali puistata, teevad nad mõõtmatult palju head."
Eneseareng > Raamatud

Tõeline jumalaosake

16.04.2014
Minu jaoks on "Tõeline jumalaosake" ühe noore inimese häbi lugu. Mis juhtub ühe inimesega, kui ta adub, et mingite olude kokkulangemisel pole tal enam kontrolli oma elu üle, vaid elu kontrollib teda? Häbitunne takistab tal ohje tagasi enda kätte võtmast. Häbi pärsib suhteid, kärbib unistusi, võõrandab teistest ning iseendast. Kas häbi vastu on rohtu?
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Taavi Jakobson kirjutab meisterlikult häbitundest oma raamatus "Tõeline jumalaosake"

Head raamatud on oma mitmeplaanilisuses selles mõttes sarnased, et iga lugeja loeb sealt välja vastavalt oma elukogemusele täiesti erinevaid lugusid. Nii on ka "Tõeline jumalaosake" ühtedele filosoofiline arenguromaan, teistele noorfüüsiku uskumatu seiklusjutt, mõnedele räägib see raamat meeste ja naiste suhetest.

Minule, ametilt hingehoidjale, vestab see teos eelkõige inimpsüühika toimeprotsessidest. Selleks, et psühholoogiline romaan oleks köitev, peavad selle tegelased silmitsi seisma mingite baasiliste negatiivsete tunnetega. See palett ei ole väga lai – kangelane kogeb hirmu, viha, kadedust, kurbust, vastikust, süüd ja/või häbi. Halvemal juhul tegelane kannatab, jääb teda vaevanud tundele alla. Helgema lõpuga teoste puhul muutub kangelane läbi sisemise kasvamise tugevamaks või paremaks. Vaid teatmeteosed, eneseabiõpikud, looduskirjeldused ja lihtsamakoeline lastekirjandus saavad hakkama ilma negatiivsete tunneteta. Isegi armastusromaanid vajavad armastuse kõrvale takistusi ja kannatusi.

Nendest ülalpool mainitud negatiivsetest tunnetest on häbi kõige raskem kanda ja valusam tunda. Mida avatum, ausam ja teadvustatum elu, seda vähem häbi, kuid keegi meist, peale süüdimatute, ei pääse oma arenguteel sellest kõrvetavast tundest.

Häbitunne pole võõras meist kellelegi. Osad inimesed häbenevad oma keha, teised oma majanduslikku seisu, kolmandad mingit tegu, neljandad oma ebaõnnestumisi suhete vallas, viiendad ebaedu töös, kuuendad kogu oma olemust, seitsmendad oma eneseväljendusvõimet, kaheksandad oma ihasid, üheksandad oma partnerit, kümnendad oma vanemaid. Sügav häbi ei lase elada täiel rinnal.

Häbi- ja süütunne on omavahel tihedalt seotud. Ometigi on neil suur vahe. Süütunne seondub tavaliselt käitumisega, tundega, et olen teinud midagi valesti ja see motiveerib inimest paremini, eetilisemalt käituma, et oma süüd heastada. Ent häbitunne seondub millegi palju fundamentaalsemaga inimese psüühikas – see on tunne, et mina ise olen üks suur ebaõnnestumine, viga on minus ja see tunne kängitseb, rusub, matab ja võib lõpuks paralüseerida.

Häbi toob endaga kaasa paratamatult ka kõik teised negatiivsed tunded, millest eelpool kõnelesin, eelkõige hirmu – mis  siis saab, kui keegi teada saab? Ja mida ta siis minust mõtleb?

Kui kõigist teistest negatiivsetest tunnetest inimesed räägivad omavahel, siis häbist on väga raske rääkida. Inimesed häbenevad oma häbi. Millal sa kurtsid kellelegi, kui vihane või kurb sa oled või et miski on vastik? Aga millal sa viimati jagasid kellegagi oma häbitunnet, kasvõi minevikus kogetut?

Kirjandusklassika teab tuhandeid raamatuid, mis pajatavad hirmust, kurbusest, vihast, kadedusest, vastikusest ja süütundest. Häbitundest on kirjutatud palju, palju vähem. Sellest kirjutamine nõuab julgust, isiksuslikku küpsust ja inimloomuse sügavat tundmist. Ja Taavi Jakobson teeb seda meisterlikult.

Autor: Katrin Saali Saul, psühhoterapeut

Tutvu raamatuga Taavi Jakobson "Tõeline jumalaosake"

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